Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Let there be light.

I have had a few revelation-caliber epiphanies recently.  Mock me if you will, but cutting pieces of pizza for Avery with kitchen scissors instead of a knife or my fingers pretty much changed my life.  Also, taking the pot of water off the burner and holding it over the sink while you put the Ramen noodles in prevents the otherwise inevitable crumbs of hard freeze dried noodles that fall over the sides and get down by the fire and then burn to a crisp.  Genius.

But the best revelation of late is about marriage.  My sister-in-law posted an article from middle aged Mormon man about mothers day.  I didn't even finish the entire article yet, because this phrase stuck out:

There is not a lot of praise from screaming kids, or awards given for changing diapers. When it comes to praise, she is dependent on what she feels inside, and what you lavish on her.

Okay, it's embarrassing to admit it, but everyone likes a little praise now and then, especially for a job well done, or for a little (or a lot) of extra effort, or for just plain old making it through the day without bursting into tears or hitting someone.  But what I had never considered is that really the only person who mothers get that from is their spouse.....because we all know that "what she feels inside" is not often praise, but stress and uncertainty and worry and guilt and other types of self flagellation.  Our poor husbands carry all that responsibility, and that is an extremly difficult and precarious position to be in....and very possibly why tension, arguements, unfulfilled expectations and all of those other wonderful aspects of most (all) marriages come into play.  I think it's possible that our subconscious knows this, so if our husband goes an entire family dinner without saying how delicious and piping hot it all is, and how amazing you are that you timed it all just right while he was driving home from work while one kid was screaming with hunger or boredom and the other kid was asking you to watch him breathe and you also managed to pick up the toys and put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder.....it may irritate you.  (Wow, that sounded like it might be a personal story but it's not). Or a myriad of other scenarios where you feel frustration towards your better half.  This may be the answer!  We are dependent on his praise, because without it we get zero.  

Of course, I'm not sure what the solution is.  Maybe be better at praising oneself a little bit, and realizing that husbands can't use their every breath to tell you how fabulous you are.  And if husbands are more aware of this responsibility they might be better at mentioning your skills a bit keep often.  Either way, it made me somewhat sympathetic towards my terrific husband who some times gets in trouble with me, though neither he nor I can be sure why exactly that is.  I'm going to try to keep this concept in mind.

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